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hedspace77Edit 3: Yeah, many edits, but while it's random journal, tehre are random edits... I'm so stupid. I planned to have my last week at work next week. But my boss decided not to schedule me any work... I don't know why. Maybe she just misunderstood my note and thought it's my last week in Germany so that she wanted to give me time without work. Or she just didn't thought about it at all. But... I'm feeling betrayed. Isn't that foolish? I'm feeling betrayed about my last day at work. About the day to bring cake and to say good bye to my customers and colleagues... Of course I would visit the store afterwards until I'll go to Japan, but... it's just not the same. It's feeling so unfinished. I'm crying for not being able to have my TRUE last day at work. Sudenly sitting here "oh... so the last time I worked was my last day"... I mean... I've been working for FUCKING NINE YEARS there. With breaks, yeah. For university, for Japan... but nine years. Nine years of the same colleagues and the same customers, of kind words and nearly fights.
I'm not missing the work. I mean, I didn't study to be CASHIER, but it's not right to finish it that way. And it hurts to think, no one cares... Stupid, I know...
(End edit 3)
Edit: Wow... I've missed my DA-Anniversary O.o
And haven't had the time to draw something for it at least ;_; Anyway... I'm two years (and a week) around now
(/edit end)
Second edit: On sunday I have to start my christmas calendar O.o
Erm... I hope, this isn't only a German thing XD The calendar has 24 doors with chokolate or such. For children to count down to christmas in December. So... I've got one this year to count down to my flight ^,^" Means: on sunday it's only another 24 days O_O
(/second edit end)
Baaaa... I guess, drinking disgusting alcohol wasn't the best choice, but tonight it's keeping me away from thinking. Please don't think wrong about me. As you see, I'm still able to type properly (or at least I hope so XD). And I'm really barely drinking any alc. But I just needed something to shut down every thought finally. Just for a few hours and to get some sleep, at last [it's 7:23 a.m. now, over here... and there wasn't any sleep to catch this night *sigh*]. Slept around 10 hours all together the last week or so. If at all. Have fever again. Crying often...
BUT: I'm really grateful for all your support and kind words on my last journal. I was able to get some of my strength and will to fight back. And moreover I'm really feeling better since my last journal. It helped me to settle my thoughts a bit and to see that I'm not all alone.
Oh, also finally commented on around two-thirds of deviations in my message center. Will try to go on tomorrow. Now I want to have a walk with my dog and hopefully go to sleep afterwards.
Thank you all
Silverkitten
recent
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Some older, because I wasn't able to feature unsibscribed. Some still uncommented, sorry
first club joined
Randomness 
Tired
Also zum einen: wir kennen uns zwar nicht besonders lange oder viel, sondern nur übers internet, aber du hast mir schon soviel gegeben und du bist alles andere als dumm oder wertlos!!! Und ich wünsche dir von ganzem Herzen dass du glücklich wirst!
Und ich war auch mal in einer ähnlichen Position (2te in Rangfolge und so, die "Begleiterscheinung im Hintergrund", supporting Character, wie man es nennen will), doch seitdm ich das los bin und mein "eigenes Leben" führe, seitdem ich das Leben versuchemit vollen Händen zu genießen, lässt es sich viel besser leben! Und deine Freunde werden sich auch freuen wenn du glücklich bist! also von Herzen, wenn nicht solltest du dich nicht als Emotionsmüllablade benutzen lassen, die nur zuhört und andere unterstützt, aber selber nichts gegönnt kriegt
Wenn du deine Gefühle zu denen, also dass du denen das Beste wünscht und sie Unterstützt mal nimmst, dass du dich freust, wenn andere glücklich sind, erkennst du die Gefühle wahrer Freunde! Und so sollten sie dir gegenüber auch empfinden, also brauchst du dich nicht schuldig fühlen, im Gegenteil, du bescherst denen Glücksempfinden! Ich weiß nicht ob ich das jetzt irgendwie verständlich rübnergebracht habe, ich schreib gard so einen stuss glaub cih xD aber ich wollts mal loswerden
und mit dem letzten Arbeitstag: kenn ich.
Nur dass ich meinen Job total vermisse, geilere Arbeitgeber kriege ich nie wieder q.q
Ich les mir das nacher vielleicht noch mal alles genauer ducrh und schreib nochmal darauf, mein Punkt war eigentlich dass ich dir mal sagen wollte dass du eine wundervolle Person bist, wir versuchen (wir beziehe ich jetzt mal auf die DA Leute die dir da zurückgeschrieben haben, hab mich ja nicht alles durchgelesen
So jetzt hab ich aber wieder um den heißen Brei geredet und dein Profil vollgetextet @.@
nächstes Mal sollte ich mir mal n roten Faden schreiben xD
Sorry dass du dir den ganzen Müll jetzt durchgelesen hast, ich bin nicht besonders gut darin, solche Texte zu schreiben >.<
--
critique for my drawings and other works of art are always welcome and necessary to improve myself, so I'd be very thankful if you look at my gallery and comment some of them
--
Conoscere gli altri è saggezza;ma conoscere se stessi è saggezza superiore.Imporre la propria volontà agli altri,è forza;ma imporla a se stessi,è forza superiore.Essere sufficienti per se stessi è la vera ricchezza;governare se stessi è il vero carattere.
--
Broken wings won't ever fly again.
humans prefer a fake smile, not an honest tear. I understand now.
--
Broken wings won't ever fly again.
humans prefer a fake smile, not an honest tear. I understand now.
^.^
But I still have soooo much to learn and improve ^,^
And I didn't believe that, when I started drawing portraits, but the right paper and pencils is really a big deal
--
Broken wings won't ever fly again.
humans prefer a fake smile, not an honest tear. I understand now.
But I know how you feel, I still have a lot to learn as well.
Oh, yeah.
My dad told me that, too >.>;
but sadly, I only have one sketch book and nothing else...
I only have...5 pages left in it ;-; (I had it for two years)
Especially when you've got the sketch book for so long. It becomes very precious then, ne?
I've just started a new Bristol sketch book. It's so difficult to find this paper over here and I was only able to buy it, because I visited a friend (5 hours by fast train). When I tried it out lately, I was shocked how different the feeling was.
For pencils I would recommend just really cheap hard pencils and a mech.
--
Broken wings won't ever fly again.
humans prefer a fake smile, not an honest tear. I understand now.
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